Sir Cliff Richard 1 Gordon Ramsey 1

It was amusing to see the boost to traffic that my Sir Cliff Richard does a Ratner piece generated. Clearly the housewives favourite is a serious player on the internet, as he is in the flesh at his concerts with his frighteningly devoted fans.

As the pre-publicity intended, I did actually watch Sir Cliff's appearance on the 'F-Word' and unsurprisingly it failed to live up to the hype. While he might have been trying to make a valid point about how fake celebrity wines are, in the end I found it a rather crude attempt at humiliation as Ramsey tried to coax a swearword out of the singer-cum-viticulturist.

Sir Cliff kept his cool at least while on camera, but the sensible riposte would have been to say 'well, the wine may not be the best, but it's such a perfect match for your food'.

Rooney fit? Pigs might fly

After enduring the tedious weeks of Beckham 'will he, won't he be fit' before the last World Cup, the office let out a collective groan when the Scouse Pele Rooney succumbed to that most fashionable of injuries - the broken metatarsal(s).

In this week of hysterical Rooney metatarsal coverage, kudos to today's London edition of the metro for bringing some humour to the whole unfortunate saga:

"A piglet who broke his trotter on the same day Wayne Rooney hobbled off the pitch with a broken metatarsal has been named after the England star... Farmer James Wainhouse, 47, said: 'He even looks like Rooney.'"