Tube 2.0

This blog has been as much a commentary on my troubles in getting to work, as about the work itself if and when I do get there.

Having tried scooter (dangerous, stressful, cold), tube (stressful, crowded, dirty, no views), bus (irregular, slow), I have now found the least stressful, most environmentally friendly and intellectually stimulating route in from Kent to Soho. A 10 minute walk either end of a 30 minute seated train ride has left me fitter, less stressed and with the time to get into a good book.

On the rare occasions I now take the tube, it at least has novelty value for the insights it provides into human nature under pressure and a good test of my skills in survival of the fittest.

I was amused to receive a link to the 'McTube map', an alternative map of the tube if it each station was sponsored by its commercial namesake, with the memorable names of 'Old Holborn', 'Covent Gardeners World', 'iPoddington' and 'Heinz Park Corner'. Genius.

This comes on the back of attempts to put together an anagram map of the tube, or 'Turn herd on old dungeon', that is making the London Underground's lawyers very twitchy. Quite why the lawyers have to have such a sense of humour failure about a Web 2.0 celebration of a cultural icon is anybody's idea. Perhaps because the 'Great Bear' version of the famous map was licensed and these spontaneous versions are not.

Let's hope that the fascinating riffs on the tube map stay free from censure.

Autumn leaves

London this week has seen a transformation of the weather straight from summer to winter, completely bypassing autumn.

One week we were enjoying some of the highest November temperatures on record and then this week the frost started with piercing blue skies and icy winds.

Given the weather extremes that there have been around the globe this year, is this a further evidence of the effect of global warming? Certainly in my 30 odd years living in the south of England, I have noticed a gradual warming over time and an increasing number of freak weather occurences.

Getting slightly back on topic for a blog on internet communications, as ever, ask and the internet will provide. A quick search brings up a number of sites with historical UK weather data, one of which provides statistics on the changes in the UK's climate to back up my more anecdotal evidence.

It confirms that the 1990s were the warmest decade on record in the UK, with four out of five warmest years ever recorded occuring in the 1990s. For the real anoraks out there, you can even check a UK place's temperature on a given day from 1982 onwards and confirm your own theories.

Fascinating, yet worrying. Truly, the internet is the world's reference library.

A guide for London's pedestrians

As someone who regularly scoots through London's West End, I am amazed on a daily basis by quite how little the average pedestrian values their limbs and lives.

So, in the interests of the public good, here's my green cross code for next time you cross the road:

1) When you're on your mobile phone, the world of cars and bikes goes on. I've lost time of the amount of times I've nearly ran into pedestrians staring vacantly into the distance as they waft across the busy roads.

2) Road users do not just consist of cars and buses. Bicycles are shooting up the inside lane and motorbikes and scooters shooting down the middle lane (most of the time). At least on a scooter you'd think people could hear you coming. Nope; they stride confidently through the traffic looking in the opposite direction leaving you with 3 options:

• Emergency stop and hope you can keep upright
• Plough into the oncoming bus at 30 mph. Ouch.
• Pedestrian meets scooter. Ouch all round.

3) When you cross at a pedestrian crossing, red man or green man, we can at least anticipate you'll do so. Cross at random and we have no idea you're coming. This is really important if you ignore points 1) and 2)

4) Note for our American cousins: we drive on the left, guys. Keep an eye out for those little arrows they paint on our roads and that's the way we're coming. Better yet, let's just all drive on the left, OK?

Friday rant over. I decided to get the train in today.

I'm on the train. HELLO, HELLO...

As a regular commuter into London on the train, I have become increasingly sensitive to the decibel-fueled Dom Joly school of mobile phone conversations. Part of the problem has been the unfortunate demise of a Christmas 'Ministry of Sound' MP3 player which, true to brand, finds it impossible to function in daylight.

With all of the hype surrounding Macworld this week, from the launch of the Mac Mini to the iPod Shuffle, I recall with great fondness the first Walkman that I bought some fifteen years ago. By some strange combination of consumer abuse and state-of-the-Ark engineering, one of the side effects of its increasingly erratic performance, is that it blocks out mobile phone signals within a short radius. All I need to do is to find some old stock, bury it in the garden for 11 months and it will be Christmas 2005's top commuter gadget.

Tube alerts to your mobile - one small problem there, guys...

News today from Revolution that Orange will provide frustrated commuters with text alerts on travel delays, so you can plan your way out of tube hell by knowing about where 'there-may-be-trouble-ahead'.

This all sounds wonderful, but unfortunately when you most need this service you are stuck underground going nowhere on the circle line and can't get a signal on your phone. Oh dear...